#sga: the defiant one

[scifidancer]

STARGATE ATLANTIS / "The Defiant One"

[sga-mcshep-4ever]

McShep out of context.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Before I Sleep, Pt. 1

The episode Before I Sleep (S01E15) is a Weir-centric episode that follows the events of Sanctuary (S01E14), which is even referenced at the beginning of the episode. It also deals with the fall-out from Hot Zone (S01E13), Sheppard attempting to mend his relationship with Weir. But it also allows us glimpses at the building intimacy between Sheppard and McKay.

The theme of the episode is the passage of time and of growing older, and hence we begin it with Elizabeth Weir apparently musing on it alone on one of the balconies. Her private moment is interrupted by Sheppard:

Weir: Hey. Sheppard: There you are. Weir: I was just snatching a breath of fresh air.

I want to point out that Sheppard greets her with the words he heard Rodney say to her previously on the intercom (The Storm, S01E09), verbatim. Adopting the mannerisms and vocabulary of someone you like is not consciously done but it happens, nonetheless. He also doesn't even look at her as he walks in.

There was a reason he had sought her out:

Weir: Thought you were off exploring the city. Sheppard: About to. Picked this up on the mainland. The Athosians made it. Happy birthday. Weir: Hmm. It's beautiful. How did you find out? Sheppard: Mum's the word.

He is careful not to touch her as he hands her his gift. Like, by the placement of his hands on the top and bottom of the vessel he's making sure that no physical contact happens here. We can call that respect or whatever.

This is clearly an attempt on his part to fix the broken trust between them resulting from his undermining of her authority in Hot Zone. We never learn how Sheppard had discovered that it is her birthday. Her surprise tells us that it's not something he was supposed to know, even it we might assume that, as the highest ranking military officer, he might have access to personnel files. It does tell us that he has, once more, done something without her authorization--which might well even be his intention, here. To show her that while he does things according to his own moral compass, does things a little different, he means well. He has good intentions. He is also being charming since this is as much of an apology as Sheppard is capable of making but, comparing it to his attempt at using charm to get his way in the previous episode, it's very mild.

Sheppard is not looking at her face as she unwraps the gift, he's looking at the vessel all the way up until she speaks. He also does not look up as she says "it's beautiful", there's a noticeable pause before he looks up at her so as to make sure that neither we (as the audience) nor Weir think that it's him associating the word with her face. When you give gifts to people close to you, you usually watch their face for their reaction because it's seeing their joy that brings you pleasure. What ever his reason was for doing this, seeing her pleasure was not it.

He tells her "mum's the word," which is literally saying that she can trust him to keep her secrets if she can keep his. And given how openly, how blatantly, he behaves with regards to McKay in this episode, it seems as though he has decided to show her that he does trust her with this.

As a man, he doesn't understand what birthdays often mean to middle-aged childless professional women, and why she might have sought out some time for solitary reflection on this particular day. But she appreciates his gesture, nonetheless.

Yes, some people are going to view this in a romantic light. But emphasizing her aging is not a strategy mainstream television would take in establishing a romantic relationship between two characters -- one of whom is still in a relationship with someone on Earth, mind you. They even emphasize this with Sheppard's line "Doesn't look a day over nine thousand!" later on. Also, he takes off real quick because he clearly wanted to be somewhere else.

We cut from this scene to Sheppard doing what he was supposed to be doing: exploring the city. Sheppard's voice is on the intercom and we see McKay watching his life-sign on the screen. And this is the beginning of the motif of strange intimacy between Sheppard and McKay in this episode. It's all very suggestive but, true to form, left open for alternative interpretation.

As I've mentioned before, the audience is invited to re-interpret the episodes of the first two seasons through the lens of what we learn in The Game (S03E15), and if one is so inclined, one can simply read this developing closeness and familiarity between them as a result of their game-play. We learn in the following episode, The Brotherhood (S01E16), that McKay and Sheppard have shared a lot of personal information with each other by this time. But we can also read "the game" as an euphemism for something else that has resulted in their knowing each other very well, knowing strange details about one another, being physically comfortable in close proximity, the unending banter or back-and-forth, of the creation of this private universe between them, and of their worlds surrounding one another. They did play that game a lot, after all.

Once more, we return to Sheppard and McKay's conversation in the middle of it. With Weir, we saw the beginning, the middle, and the end of their exchange, brief as it was, all of it on screen. With Sheppard and McKay we are often coming in at the tail-end of their exchange. Sheppard is with Teyla and Ford down in the city while McKay is talking to them (and by them, I mean pretty obviously Sheppard alone) on the intercom. Apparently, their exploration of the city has been going on for a while already:

Sheppard: Alright, we're done with the living quarters. Moving on. McKay: Woah-woah-woah, before you go, you see anything better than our current quarters? Sheppard: A few. Some of them are pretty nice, actually. McKay: Well, what kind of square footage are we talking about? Sheppard: What am I, your realtor, Rodney? We're here to unlock the secrets of Atlantis. McKay: Yeah, well, I'm looking for a one-bedroom with a den, preferably with a balcony, but I'm not married to it. Look, we might as well be comfortable until the wraith get here--

So, one can interpret "our quarters" as referring to the quarters currently used by the expedition at large. One could also interpret it as "your quarters and my quarters" separately, in which case it assumes that Sheppard knows what McKay's quarters are like. That's fine. But.

Sheppard answers his inquiry with "What am I, your realtor?" as though he's not interested in looking for new quarters for (or with) McKay and is just there to do a job. Only, we find them together later looking through quarters, so this is something they are and have been doing together for some reason. But this discussion on the intercom is at least semi-public, what with McKay out in the open at the control room and Sheppard with the rest of their team, so Sheppard is clearly trying to remind McKay of this fact. He actually says "We're here to unlock the secrets of Atlantis," quoting their mission statement, to not-so-subtly remind the man that keeping up appearances is a thing that is necessary. He also emphasizes the word 'secrets' because sometimes McKay needs help getting a hint.

McKay isn't hearing it, though (although he does look to his side before he asks about the square footage as though to make sure he's not being overheard on his end, which Sheppard of course does not see). He's undaunted, prattling on about the quarters he would prefer (for them; this is literally what he says). It's possible that they've been having this conversation in another context that he's excitedly picking up since it's easy to forget one's surroundings when talking with someone familiar, just like people often forget that standers-by can hear them when they are on the phone in a public place. Also, why does he look so... turned on here?

The thing about quarters on Atlantis is that we see precious little of their private living spaces over the seasons. The quarters most often visited are Sheppard's, with his Johnny Cash poster and his comically small bed. Like, the bed is so small that it suggests the room either belonged to a Lantean child or that the Lanteans were considerably shorter than humans, which does not seem to have been the case, as we get to see the original Lanteans in this episode.

Sheppard's bed is not comfortable for him to sleep in and we are meant to get a Spartan, military vibe from it. Sheppard is a soldier, he prefers to keep his living space simple. Beds are for catching shut-eye and shut-eye only, and minimal amounts at that. Comically small.

We see McKay's quarters considerably less on the show, and the first time is in Duet (S02E04). In the episode, we also see his bed. On earth, you might think this is a single. But by Lantean standards, it's the biggest goddamn bed we ever get to see on a man on the show on Atlantis. I'll return to this with the rest of the episode later but I just want to point out this fact here, as Sheppard and McKay are having a discussion about the size of something later:

Sheppard: Too big, huh? McKay: I'm not saying it's too big, I'm just pointing out its dimensions. Sheppard: Huh. It's not that… [big]

Innuendo aside (Sheppard likes 'em big), they can only be talking about either quarters or something in them. But why would anyone care about the size of the quarters or something in them? They all seem to be living in really small spaces, cramming their human lives into Lantean frameworks, so why would Sheppard think that McKay finds some quarters too big? He owns a whole-ass house on earth, as seen in Home (S01E08). Since Lantean quarters seem to be fairly uniform in size, it's more likely that they're referring to something in the quarters they've been looking at, as quarters are plural and they used 'them' to refer to them previously.

And who thinks a bed is too big? Granted, we also learn in Home that McKay feels most comfortable sleeping on the sofa i.e., in a relatively narrow space, but it's not like they're finding any Alaskan King Size beds in the city, and even if they did -- it's just more space to roll in even if you're alone. You got a whole empty city at your perusal, you have space to live large. If Sheppard's bed is a twin, McKay's bed is only a full double. What even is the issue here?

Keeping up appearances is the issue. DADT stated that in order for someone to be investigated, they had to "demonstrate a propensity or intent to engage in homosexual acts" and provide "credible evidence of homosexual conduct". I cannot overstate how much of an actual thing this was when the show was on air, and the USAF was one of the worst branches of the military when it came to pursuing allegations of this nature given the profusion of Southern Baptists in the leadership. Even if a non-heterosexual member of the military could be convinced that they were allowed to have feelings without having to justify them to anyone, acting on those feelings was not a simple matter. There could be no evidence of it.

If an officer cannot be found fraternizing with members of his sex, one of the ways it can be demonstrated that he does not is that his quarters are General Issue. The bed is for sleeping only and you couldn't entertain company there even if you wanted to. Investigating his quarters, you would have to conclude that he is, in the words of Johnny Cash, a solitary man. It's plausible deniability. But then. No one would care about the size of the bed of the head scientist.

It's interesting that McKay's bed is small enough to be interpreted as the bed of someone sleeping alone and yet it is big enough to fit two people that are both used to sleeping in tight quarters (one being the Spartan military type and the other likely comforted by the narrow space of the sofa). Again, just to point out its dimensions, McKay's is the biggest bed we ever see on the show on Atlantis (I'll return to the case of Heightmeyer's and Lt. Cadman's beds later). So.

We are actually reminded of McKay's ability and natural inclination for sleeping in a tight space in this same goddamn episode:

With the two of them sleeping in the same room, essentially sleeping together, in seemingly uncomfortable positions in an episode that begins with them hunting for something better than their current quarters. With reference to the title of the episode, you need a bed before you can sleep and here we're shown both of them, both of them, in want of a bed. Subtle.

Now, it's not my intention to claim that they had been living together secretly all these years. Clearly, there were long periods when they had fallen out and we even see Sheppard ban McKay from his quarters during Trinity (S02E06). But there are still hints. They give you just enough to speculate. The only time we see Sheppard asleep in his room is in The Shrine (S05E06), and this is, perhaps not coincidentally, the only time we see him in pajamas that, for a military man, are probably not common sleep wear. And also, just throwing it out there: Sheppard must have like a dozen plain black t-shirts he could sleep in so the panda shirt might actually belong to someone who is fond of novelty t-shirts and not even be his. In the episode McKay barges into his quarters, waking him up:

McKay: John! You were there, and-and then you-you-you-- Sheppard: Rodney, Rodney, I'm right here! What-what's wrong? McKay: I woke up, and [***] Sheppard: Oh, buddy. I'm sorry. I thought you'd fallen asleep. McKay: Oh… I was… I got so scared.

Sheppard had been there in McKay's quarters ("Let's get you back to your quarters") when he had fallen asleep and he had woken up in the middle of the night to find him not there anymore, which had scared him. Since McKay is losing his faculties, he's slurring enough that it's extremely difficult to make out what he actually says in [***]. Some transcripts render it "and Ronon had left" which it's definitely not. Some with "and everyone had left" which sounds a bit more like it, but not quite. It's more like "and I'm the only one--had left!" or "and I'm all alone--had left!". He's so agitated he's swallowing many of the words, his speech is jumbled. His final "had left!" seems to be a continuation of the thought that he couldn't get out right the first time regarding Sheppard: "You--you--you--". John, you were there and then you had left. I woke up and was all alone. That's certainly the sentiment Sheppard is reacting to.

He's extremely contrite, telling McKay that he left because he thought he'd fallen asleep, as though that's a reasonable explanation for him leaving (which McKay seems to accept). This could indeed be something someone (who canonically needs less sleep than the other) might be forced to do if they can't be found frequently coming out of someone else's quarters in the morning.

Tell me the dialogue doesn't sound like Sheppard had been there with McKay when he had gone to bed. Sure, it could be a one-off, looking over a friend in need as he's basically dying, but McKay's reaction very much speaks against this. McKay is losing his memory and it's only the most ingrained, most important things that are left to him. They're also both wearing pajamas, which is something you might insist on when someone you love is regressing basically to a childlike state (and further, there's a medical professional in charge of his care that has suddenly taken a special interest in him while McKay had, by this time or shortly thereafter, very definitely even forgotten what her name was).

What we learn from this scene is that Sheppard doesn't usually sleep in his quarters wearing pajamas. Finding him not there with him was something so unexpected that it frightened McKay. He's losing his memory, he's losing his faculties, but he's also falling into a state of raw honesty. He needs John Sheppard there, with him, in his quarters that are his alone in name only and are actually shared by them, and he needs him to be there when he falls asleep and he also wants him there when he wakes up--even if that was something that ordinarily rarely happened.

There's also a whole thing in Doppelganger (S04E04) where Sheppard is sitting on his tiny bed unable to relax and then heads out of his quarters with purpose, runs into Teyla as he opens the door and then claims he had just been meaning to go find her as he was supposed to be sequestered and not leaving his quarters. He gives her a comforting hug, for just having lost--let's say--a friend, very obviously touching her bare skin, with Teyla currently hosting 'the entity'. And then, in the next scene, we find out that the entity that jumps via physical contact from person to person is not in Sheppard, as we were meant to suspect, but is suddenly and inexplicably in McKay.

There are... a few steps there that were obviously skipped but we can fill in the gaps with Sheppard, not in his tiny bed, touching the bare skin of the next host who apparently thinks that Sheppard frequently has nightmares about hot girls like it's a conversation they've had several times before. But anyway, we'll circle back to that later. Point is, over the years, we learn that they both know way too much about how the other person sleeps ("Only when he's awake" = Not when he's sleeping). But, as stated previously, you can attribute it all to 'the game'.* Or whatever. They're just good friends who are concerned about the other's sleep.

It's also interesting that McKay mentions the word marriage here. Obviously, he's not talking about literal marriage, using it as a turn of phrase. But his choice of vocabulary is not insignificant, given the domesticity in this episode. It speaks of subconscious desires (to marry someone in general, if you wish). But I will also point out that Canada was very much in the process of recognizing marriage equality when this episode originally aired, several provinces introducing it during the first season. This was the hot potato issue of the day. Anyway, as McKay is hunting for a bigger bedroom with his buddy boy pal, marriage is literally what he had on his mind.

But alas, their search is temporarily halted as Atlantis has to do what Atlantis does best. Ford stumbles onto something weird.

Continued in Pt. 2

-* But if you twisted my arm, it's between The Defiant One and Hot Zone that they first 'hooked up', to coin a phrase from the show. By this time, they've been there for months with slim hopes of ever getting back to Earth and have all run out of distractions. Which just makes Sanctuary that much more tragic, as they hadn't just been sleeping together but, as we learn in the following episode, had by this time been sharing intimate details about each other's lives.

[dailystargatebooty]

[lightthewaybackhome]

Stargate-Atlantis S1:E11 The Defiant One

This episode has a lot of iconic lines and moments. It has the standard unknown scientists that are there to serve as cannon fodder, but even that's handled pretty well with Gull. But the gem of this episode is Rodney wanting to get in the fight, which is a huge character growth for him. Sheppard tells him to only shoot when he's told, then Rodney repeats the same line to Gull later.

Sheppard is awesome, thinks on his feet, has to direct Rodney on how to save him, and finally gets the Wraith in the end.

Just a solid friendship in action episode after the heart-rending of the last 3.

[lightthewaybackhome]

Good episode.

John Sheppard + Rodney McKay 

Stargate: Atlantis 1.12 “The Defiant One”

[realmonsterbones]

Stargate Anniversary Fest! My 20 Favorite Episodes of SGA: The Defiant One (1x12)

[sga-owns-my-soul]

🔦favourite sga moment involving mcshep or weir x sheppard

okay well. if there's one thing anyone knows about me it's that i'll ship anything and i'm also mcshep trash so 😅 it's going to be too hard to narrow this down to one moment so you're getting my favourite moments

for shepweir, my absolute favourite moment in the show is in the storm/the eye when kolya says elizabeth is dead and john immediately goes from soldier mindset to genocidal rage and literally does not stop moving and killing until he's told elizabeth is still alive 🥰🥰 we love to see it, i WISH a man loved me enough to commit genocide for me omg actual goals 😍 (although the moment in the tower is also really cute at the end when elizabeth's like they didn't offer you king? and johns like i turned that down too and the little SMIRK SHE GIVES HIM OH MY GOD THEYRE ADORABLE FUCK also in epiphany when she's like ooh i like the beard and he's like it's the first to go when i get home ahhhh it's just. idk it's so domestic and so adorable ugh they're too cute)

also for mcshep, every mcshep moment is a good mcshep moment (and i can make pretty much anything mcshep if i try hard enough) but my favourites come down to:

at the end of hide and seek, when rodney is laying on the floor of the gate room and john rushes down and is the first one at his side but his hands are just fluttering around because he doesn't think he's allowed to touch (or maybe he's too scared to, scared of what he'll show if he gets to touch rodney) it's just sooooooooooo and then john saying he passed out bc he's SO PROUD OF RODNEY FOR BEING SO BRAVE FUCK

also in the defiant one, where rodney is clearly shitting a brick, having seen one of his scientist's dead and one dying, and wanting to go join the fight because he's so scared of john being out there alone and something happening to him. rodney is SO brave and it makes me want to scream and cry and chew on the wall when i think about how many huge changes rodney makes simply just because someone gave him a chance and cared about him

also the whole of millers crossing obviously, the fact that john went back to earth with him and being as worried about jeannie, to john talking a man into killing himself, i mean even rodney asking john for permission (even tho he ends up trying to do it anyways, because that's what john would do- sacrifice himself anyways, and rodney's learned from john) just. the entire episode makes me feral

and last but certainly not least, the shrine. my absolute favourite episode of anything ever, what is, in my opinion, the best piece of media ever created in all of human history. the way rodney loses everything but clings to john so desperately, the way john is the one jeannie turns to for comfort, the way john is breaking in every fucking scene, BEER ON THE PIER, god just literally everything about that episode is so insane to me (and david hewlett went so fucking hard that man deserves every damn award omfg) also kind of unrelated but it's my personal headcanon that rodney was saying i love you to john and not jennifer in that video, rodney was just aware enough to know he couldn't say johns name, but that message was for him 100%

[aintgonnatakethis]

Out of Context Line/Last Line Tag

Thank you @gioiaalbanoart (x) @lancedoncrimsonwings (x) @fortunatetragedy (x) (x) (x)

As I'm doing so many in one you can have two lines! Both from my Kolya fic, which I posted the second chapter of today!

"Is that you, Sheppard?" Kolya's speech was slightly slurred, but still strong, still defiant, still unbroken. "You're not going to disappoint your new master, are you?"

"Do you think your skin would grow back?" Sheppard heard himself ask, even though he had not told his tongue to form the words.

Tagging: @the-golden-comet @wyked-ao3 @chaniis-atlantis @sga-owns-my-soul @paeliae-occasionally

[nimuetheseawitch]

words for the wips (you can pick any wip to share): fire, yours, kitchen, and/or suit

I don't have fire in any of my WIPs right now, but I checked fiery and got this from my noir SGA fic:

“This is Carter and McKay Investigations, right?” The woman was gorgeous, even with her figure mostly hidden by a trenchcoat. The defiant cant of her chin was in stark contrast to her uncertain tone, and Rodney tried to shake off the distraction of her red, red lips and fiery curls.

Apparently, the only times I've written "yours" is as part of already posted fics. So here's a "your" from Hoping that you're happy now:

Erin is a ragdoll in her arms by the time Peg walks over to BJ and Hawkeye. "BJ? I think it's time your daughter and I said goodnight." Half out of his chair, BJ asks, "Do you need help putting her to bed?" She waves him off, "No, she's out. I think I can handle her by myself tonight. You should stay up talking. Although," Peg turns to Hawkeye as if she's just had a brilliant idea. "Hawkeye, would you be a dear and let BJ stay with you tonight? He'll wake up Erin if he comes in late, and I'm afraid she'd never get to sleep again after."

Ooh, kitchen is the in BJ is the worst!

Daniel puts the phone down with a frown. That wasn't Peggy on the phone. And he knows BJ hasn't responded to anything Hawkeye's written in the years since the war. He can't help the worry that seeps into his voice as he yells from the office, "Hawkeye! Phone for you." The sound of his son practically falling down the stairs follows, and he shakes his head. That boy has an unhealthy relationship with gravity. "I've got it in the kitchen. You can hang up now!" It's like high school all over again. Daniel sighs and goes back to reviewing the appointment book for the day and gets lost in the file of yet another expectant mother who he remembers as a baby in his arms.

This is the only instance of suit I found, from the noir fic again:

Rodney hid his startlement with a disapproving frown. He took quick stock of the man taking cover in the darkened doorway next to Teyla’s. Even with this rain, he wasn’t wearing a hat or jacket, but the shoulders of his suit were only damp, and his shock of messy black hair wasn’t slicked to his forehead as you’d expect. Teyla didn’t allow smoking in her club, which was actually one of the reasons Rodney had started drinking there, even before he’d become friends with the owner. The man must be desperate for a smoke if he was huddling out here.

[scifidancer]

STARGATE ATLANTIS / "The Defiant One"

Aiden, Teyla, Sergeant Markham and one of the marines

[sga-mcshep-4ever]

John Sheppard out of context.

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Defiant One, Pt. 1

I've thought about where I would have placed 38 Minutes (S01E04) that seemed to fit ill so early in the season, and I think it would have made the most sense between the mid-season two-parter and The Defiant One (S01E12), discussed here.

The Genii siege visibly changes something between Sheppard and McKay, and we get to resolve that a little too fast in this episode that follows directly after. 38 Minutes has that strange almost-confession to Weir,* which would have made more sense here as Weir and Sheppard seem to grow closer at the end of The Eye (S01E11) although, I argue, it is precisely because Sheppard needed to create distance between himself and McKay that they did. He was using Weir to create distance, in effect hiding behind her, because Kolya figured out after like a minute of talking to Sheppard that McKay was the best way of getting to him. Sheppard was reminded of the fact that being important to him put McKay in mortal danger.

In 38 Minutes, we also have Sheppard's own near death experience and everyone working so very hard to save him, McKay worrying so much about him, the way that they look at each other, that something unspoken lingering between them, McKay's agitation over what ever Sheppard wanted to tell Weir; all of that would have made sense between these two episodes. The Iratus bug could have symbolized Sheppard's internal anguish: the way he's in agony at first and then the pain gets so bad that he gets numb and loses all feeling. It all would have made so much sense.

But regardless, we start the episode with a driving flying lesson (which, incidentally, also would have made the most sense following the events where both Sheppard and the other designated pilot were incapacitated at the same time). McKay received the ATA gene therapy and Sheppard is teaching him how to fly the puddle jumper. Where the previous episode ended with Sheppard very clearly wanting to create distance between them, here they are all cozy with each other again. Or s it seems.

Clearly, this is important. As mentioned previously, they need more pilots since there are few people with the ATA gene (two that we know have the real gene, a few others through gene therapy), and only a fraction of them know how to fly. It's important not only for the mission and taking the pressure off the commander having to do transport flights, it's also important for the team to have another person capable of doing it. And apparently neither Teyla nor Ford are able to do it (toward the end of the episode, they have a random soldier having to fly them over) which makes McKay not only the best choice but also the only one.

So whether he wanted to or not, what ever he was feeling inside, teaching Rodney how to fly the jumper was something that needed to be done. And here we are.

What Sheppard says is very interesting.

Granted, we don't know anything about his background at this point, often the way people talk to others reveals a lot about how they've been talked to in the past. It indicates that when ever he did something wrong as a child, he was corrected by snapping at him. My guy, you're in space. What could possibly happen if he lets go of the controls? You're going to veer off and crash into some more space?

It's also notable that he uses 'parents' instead of 'dad' or 'father' (both being that he is a guy and as dads are much more likely to be the one teaching kids how to drive; also, he himself was clearly taught by a driving instructor but teaching your kids how to drive is actually pretty common, it's a loving thing to do, and parents are supposed to be teaching their kids even in the case that they have an instructor, as kids learn by watching their parents whether they want it or not). So, you know. He has a mysterious past and a sad childhood, looks like.

Granted, McKay also seems to have had a pretty crappy childhood and, what's worse, seems to think it was all completely normal. We hear him reveal all manner of child abuse casually, here and there. It seems that they both were lonely and sad but for different reasons. McKay's immediate gut response "Snapping doesn't help!" is likewise telling, indicates that there was a lot of pressure put on him from a very young age.

Sheppard's use of the word 'parent' also creates distance between him and one or both of his parents. This man has been court-martialed, he has clearly been traumatized by something. He does not think he has anyone waiting for him back on earth. We know at this point that several people he served with have died, and that he blames himself for every one of these deaths. And he's not good at dealing with emotions, especially difficult ones. He says as much in Sateda (S03E04):

Sheppard: Look, Teyla. I'm not really good at, uh... Actually, I'm... I'm terrible at expressing... I don't know what you'd call it, uh... Teyla: Feelings? Sheppard: Yeah, sure,

He is terrible at expressing feelings. He especially has trouble verbalizing them.

When he is feeling difficult emotions, he uses self-soothing techniques (see the lip thing). One of these self-soothing techniques is creating distance between himself and the object of his emotion. So, instead of father he says parent (mom+dad) because he essentially uses the less significant, less painful thing (mom) to conceal the more significant, more painful thing (dad). Using the less significant object to create distance to the more difficult object forms like a barrier between him and an emotion he does not want to or can't face or deal with just then. Just like, in the previous episode, he used "Weir and McKay" instead of McKay. He was using the less significant, less important thing to mask the more significant, more important thing. It lessens the impact of the emotion attached to it. We see him do this a lot especially in connection to Rodney ("Even Rodney"). Again and again and again.

You can see him do the self-soothing lip thing before engaging McKay (like he's not sure he should say anything, like he wants to not have to say anything; he just can't help himself when it comes to this man):

Here, he is creating distance between himself and one or even both of his parents (and let's face it, it's probably the dad) but he's also, at the same time, creating distance between himself and McKay both by using the passive voice and lumping McKay into the category of kids. See previous episode as to why he desperately needs this distance between them.

But what he is actually saying here is that he is emotionally too close to McKay to be able to be an effective instructor to him. That's what he is saying. He's emotionally compromised. Now, whether you think his feelings are fatherly (he does not look at McKay the way a father looks at a son), friendly (he does not look at McKay the way a friend looks at a friend), collegial (he does not look at McKay the way he looks at Ford and Teyla), or whether you believe he thinks of himself as McKay's second uncle third removed, this is what he's saying in the scene. That he's too close to McKay to be able to teach him. He feels that he is too close to McKay.

It's possible that the whole reason as to why he's teaching McKay how to navigate the jumper is that it would allow him not to have to accompany him on these kinds of missions, harmless and scientific. If McKay knows how to fly a jumper, they would be able to spend less time together. Spending less time together would mean less emotion, would mean less pain, less of a chance for him to get McKay hurt or killed. This is foolish to think, of course, since absence has a tendency of making the heart grow fonder, as the saying goes. But we saw him start creating this distance between them at the end of The Eye (S1E10) and this is on par, is a logical continuation of that.

Humour, as it turns out, is another way of creating distance and coping with difficult emotions.

We are again reminded of the fact that McKay does not know not to keep it straight. Sheppard can do it in the air but not on land.

So, the thing is. As much as Sheppard wants to create distance between them, Mckay wants the opposite. He wants to connect with the Major. He's not making it easy for Sheppard. In this, he is defying him.

McKay tells Sheppard that he's touched by his sentiment. Keeps glancing at him. He refers to the puddle jumper, for all intents and purposes Sheppard's puddle jumper, as baby. He wants to see what this baby can do. Baby is a term of affection used most often by men to indicate that they see something or someone as soft and beautiful and needing to be taken care of in a gentle way. There is definitely something flirty in McKay using this term for Sheppard's puddle jumper.

But then Sheppard picks this up from McKay and also calls the jumper baby (yes, he's amused by the way McKay said it and ribbing on him, but picking up vocabulary from the object of your affection is yet another classic sign of attraction). They are taking care of the baby together. Parents, kids, babies. Freud probably would have a lot to say about the things they say and their subconscious desires.

Freud might also have something to say about Sheppard's fear that McKay is going to "snap the damn things off" if he doesn't ease up his grip on the control stick. But he doesn't want McKay to take his hands off them, either. He's instructing McKay on exactly how it likes to be held.

(We are also reminded of subconscious desires by the control display popping up, seeing how the puddle jumpers respond to Sheppard's mind; his desires.)

They are accompanied on the mission by two red shirts, random scientists we have never seen before but who we are to believe have worked with McKay previously and know him pretty well.

So, maybe it's because of the intense, borderline erotic look of concentration on McKay's face or his tone of voice, or what ever, Sheppard seems to start gravitating toward McKay. Even in front of two people he barely knows that work for the other man. Here, he turns back to look at Dr. Gaul, clearly amused by how different this scientist is from his scientist, but what he's doing at the same time is lean closer to Rodney:

He looks... turned on, frankly. And he sure as hell is not turned on by Dr. Gaul, sweating though he may be. The reason that he turned back to look at the nauseous scientist behind him might actually have been just to look away from the sex faces McKay is making while he's concentrating real hard.

Then he leans in even closer, to whisper conspiratorially to McKay. And McKay, well. He leans in, as well.

Sheppard: Why'd you choose this guy for the mission? McKay: Brendan's the one who discovered the Lagrange Point satellite was out here. Elizabeth felt he should see it for himself. Sheppard: Don't let go of the controls!

Sheppard snaps in a sudden jolt of panic. And it may not be McKay letting go of the controls that made him do it. It's that he mentioned Elizabeth, reminding him of why he needed to not be that close to Rodney. Just like McKay used Elizabeth's name (yelping "Elizabeth!" in near panic) when Sheppard was getting too close to him in his lab in The Storm (S01E09). They both seem to be using Weir as a... weir between them.

And again, as he will many, many times in the future, Sheppard needs to be touching something, needs to have his hands pressed against something, when he's near McKay:

Then they arrive at their destination and switch seats. They move seamlessly together, Sheppard needs only to mention his name and McKay does exactly what he wants, and is only too happy to oblige. We've seen this happen in movies between a man and a woman. It has never not been erotic (underlined by McKay's line "This thing is enormous!"):

Here, it's McKay that keeps glancing back and back at Sheppard as they're approaching the humongous ancient weapons platform. A weapons platform that should be a pretty interesting thing to look at, all things considered. But his eyes keep on being drawn back to Sheppard who, it should be noted, is wearing only a t-shirt.

Sheppard is trying not to look at McKay, catches himself several times before he does. He's not allowing himself to do it. That's until they come upon the wraith distress call from the planet below.

They look at each other. They communicate in words but they also communicate with their eyes. Suddenly, they are one mind again.

Continued in Pt. 2 (NB this episode focuses entirely on Sheppard and McKay so this is in 10 parts)

.* Actually Weir's whole "I didn't think so!" schtick would have made sense if it was about her knowing that Sheppard had been using her to create distance between himself and Rodney. Like she was telling him that she knows the half-hearted flirty smiles at the end of The Eye weren't really about her (same with the nurse right then) but were an attempt to build a defensive barrier between himself and the thought of losing someone important to him again. Because she knows.

Also, we would just have had a similar confession from Rodney where he was trying real hard to tell something to Weir and she wouldn't let him finish. Those almost confessions would mirror each other.

McKay: If this doesn't work... Weir: It will. McKay: I'm just saying, if it doesn't work... Weir: It will. McKay: I'm sure it will, but in the unlikely event that it doesn't, I... Weir: Rodney! Please.

---

Sheppard: Listen, uh, I'd like to say something while I still can. Weir: Don't! You're gonna get through this. Sheppard: If I was ... he wouldn't have let me go. Weir: Who wouldn't have let you go? Sheppard: The Wraith.

Sheppard: What I wanted to say was ... Weir: Save your strength, John, and tell me in person. Sheppard: This is important. Weir: I'm listening.

[dailystargatebooty]

[lightthewaybackhome]

The Defiant One (S1:E12)

@colonelshepparrrrd gave me a better chronological order list for SG-1 and SGA. I kinda messed it up because I was determined to watch Home, the Storm, and the Eye all together. After that, I had a big block of SG-1 to watch, but I'm finally back to some SGA. Yay!

Sheppard: Stay behind me. Shoot only when I tell you to shoot.

Rodney: Take this, but don't shoot at anything until I tell you to.

Rodney repeated Sheppard's orders to Gull, but then he had to have Sheppard give him orders to shoot the Wraith and reload. I love it.

The comradery in this episode is so strong. Sheppard goes to fight the Wraith, Rodney wanting in the fight, Rodney coming to save him but not knowing how, Sheppard orchestrating his own rescue, and being smart. Through it all, it's Sheppard and Rodney together.

I love that you can see how their friendship has grown after the Storm and the Eye. They trust each other and are starting to work well as a team.

I also love how Elizabeth anticipated that they would need help and sent them help. Just such a stronly-feminine move.